The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Boobs are out for the taking
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
