he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
