I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
