I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
