Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
