I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
