My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
