Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
