There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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