But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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