all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I believe in your delicious
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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