remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
