I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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