apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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