pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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