I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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