Can i not drive my cunt home
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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