fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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