I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
