I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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