Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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