I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
