just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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