After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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