Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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