Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
