Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
