Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bring money and cleavage
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
