Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
