Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
