and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
