he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
