I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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