Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
