I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
