Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
