he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
