Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
