Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
