I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
