Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
