Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
