too bad you live with your parents still
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
