i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
