yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
