Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
