my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
