i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
