The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
40s are totally the cure
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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