So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
