sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
